(4)

My apartment is like a box, a cage.  I crawl from wall to wall.  My life is like a box, a cage.  I am free.  (I am not free.)   My apartment is like a box, a cage.  Outside the snow like ashes falls.  My life is like a box, a cage.  I am free.  (I am not free.)  Where have I come from?  Where am I going?  I always did what I thought was right.  What is need?  What is love?  Now everything feels wrong.  Truth is relative.  There are no answers.  Where have I come from?  Where am I going?  There are no answers.  There are only questions.  What is natural?  What is natural?  The animals aren't animals anymore.

My apartment is like a box, a cage.  I stare outside the window.  My apartment is like a box, a cage.  Outside the snow like ashes falls.  My apartment is like a box, a cage.  I cannot escape the choices I've made.  Where have I come from?  Where am I going?  My life is like a box, a cage.  My sense of frustration grows and grows.  My life is like a box, a cage.  I feel myself begin to explode.  My life is like a box, a cage.  I am free.  (I am not free.)  What is natural?  What is natural?  I am human.  I am animal.  The animals aren't animals anymore.  I am human.  I am animal.  There are no answers.  There are only questions.  I am human.  I am animal.  There are no choices left me.

Where have I come from?  Where am I going?  Blindly I grope my way along.  I am haunted, I am trapped.  The animals aren't animals anymore.  A monkey's shocked, a pig's burned alive.  I cannot escape the choices I've made.  The animals are dying, nature is dying.  There are no choices left me.  My life is like a box, a cage.  I always did what I thought was right.  My life is like a box, a cage.  Now everything feels wrong.   My apartment is like a box, a cage.  Outside the snow like ashes falls.  My apartment is like a box, a cage.  I crawl from wall to wall.

The air is cold.  The snow like ashes falls.  The air is cold.  The wind burns against my cheeks.  The air is cold.  The ground is buried deep in snow.  The air is cold.  The snow is frozen water.  White, white.  Around the trees it eddies, frozen water.  White, white.  Against the sides of buildings it laps, frozen water.  White, white.  The snow is white.  As the snow like ashes falls.  The air is cold.  The wind burns against my cheeks.  The air is cold.  Bundled in heavy clothes I go out walking.  The air is cold.  My breath turns white upon the air.  The snow is water.  My breath is water.  White, white.  The snow is white.  As the snow like ashes falls.  The air is cold.  The wind burns against my cheeks.  The air is cold.  Bundled in heavy clothes I tramp along the frozen streets.  The air is cold.  My breath turns white upon the air.  The snow is water.  My breath is water.  White, white.  The snow is white.  To the cemetery I go.

The sky is charcoal grey.  From a sky of charcoal grey the snow like ashes falls.  The clouds are water.  The snow is water.  My breath is water.  My breath turns white upon the air.  The wind burns against my cheeks.  The ground is buried deep in snow.  The snow is piled soft and deep.  As I tramp along the frozen streets, the snow crunches beneath my feet.  It cracks, it quakes; it splits the air asunder.  The ground is white.  The sky is charcoal grey.  The wind burns against my cheeks.  As the snow like ashes falls.  The snow is water.  The clouds are water.  My breath is water.  As I tramp across the cemetery, the snow crunches beneath my feet.  It cracks, it quakes; it splits the air asunder.  My footprints waver back and forth behind me.  Far behind me.  Where I was.  Where I was.  Across the snowy field my footprints like a river waver far behind me.  Far behind me.  Where I was.  Where I was.  The snow is frozen water.  It splashes up against the trees.  The snow is frozen water.  It clings to rough bark stilly.  White, white.  The snow is white.  As the snow like ashes falls.  From a sky of charcoal grey.  The clouds are water.  The snow is water.  My breath is water.

The snow is piled soft and deep.  The snow crunches beneath my feet.  It cracks, it quakes; it splits the air asunder.  The air is cold.  The wind burns against my cheeks.  The snow is white.  My footprints waver like a river through the snow.  Far behind me.  Far behind me.  My footprints waver like a river through the snow.  Where I was.  Where I was.  Like waves of frozen water the snow splashes through the air.  It melts upon my burning cheeks.  Like waves of frozen water the snow splashes through the air.  It clings to gravestones stilly.  White, white.  The snow is white.  The stones are buried under white.  The stones are muffled, are defaced.  They are blanked out by the snow.  They tell no stories, speak no names.  The dead in white shrouds suffocate.  They suffocate beneath their shrouds of snow.  The dead are buried beneath the snow.  The snow is frozen water.  The dead are drowning beneath the snow.  The snow is frozen water.  White, white.  The snow is white.  The stones are muffled, are defaced.  They are blanked out by the snow.  Their silence deafens me.  Their silence deafens me.  As the snow like ashes falls.  White, white.  The snow is white.  Everywhere I look is white.  Through fields of white I slip, I slide.  Through fields of white I lurch, I lumber.  White, white.  Everywhere I look is white.  Where have I come from?  Where am I going?  I slip, I slide.  I lurch, I lumber.  The dead in white shrouds suffocate.  Their silence deafens me.  Their silence deafens me.  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel desire, I feel despair.  White, white.  Everywhere I look is white.  At the gully's edge I slip, I slide.  At the gully's edge I lurch, I lumber.  Where have I come from?  Where am I going?  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel terror.  I feel joy.  Into the woods I dart, I tumble.  Into the woods I plunge, I blunder.

Wait now, wait.  The wind waits stilly in the woods.  (I dart, I tumble.)  Wait now, wait.  Silence waits stilly in the woods.  (I plunge, I blunder.)  But here the silence is alive.  I stand, I listen.  The wind waits stilly for me here.  I stand, I listen.  Silence waits stilly for me here.  But here the silence is alive.  It does not deafen me.  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel desire, I feel despair.  The wind waits stilly for me here.  I stand, I listen.  Silence waits stilly for me here.  But here the silence is alive.  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel terror.  I feel joy.  The wind waits stilly for me here.  Silence waits stilly for me here.  But here the silence is alive.  It does not deafen me.  It does not deafen me.

I stand, I look.  Upon the branches of the trees the snow is soft and deep.  Slender branches.  Everywhere before my eyes, upon the branches of the trees the snow is soft and deep.   Slender branches.  I stand, I look.  Everywhere before my eyes, the branches rise and fall.  Through the air so gracefully.  Everywhere before my eyes, the branches arc and dip.  Through the silence gracefully.  Stilly, stilly.  The wind waits stilly in the woods.  I stand, I look.  Through the stillness branches arc.  Slender branches.  Through the stillness branches meet.  Slender branches.  I stand, I look.  Upon the branches of the trees the snow is piled soft and deep.  Everywhere before my eyes, upon the branches of the trees the snow is piled soft and deep.  As the branches rise and fall.  The snow is frozen water.  As the branches arc and dip.  Stilly, stilly.  I stand, I look.  My breath turns white upon the air.  My breath is water.  It comes and goes.  I stand, I look.  Through the stillness branches bend and meet.  They fill my eyes with music.  Here the silence is alive.  I stand, I look.  I see music everywhere.  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel desire, I feel despair.  My eyes are filled with music.  Where have I come from?  Where am I going?  I see music everywhere.  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel terror.  I feel joy.  My eyes are filled with music.  Music waits stilly for me here.

The branches of the trees lift upward towards the sky.  Like music rising stilly.  The branches of the trees prick their way, here, there, upward towards the sky.  Like music rising stilly.  Upon the branches of the trees the snow is piled soft and deep.  The snow is frozen water.  The branches of the trees cluster upward towards the sky (from which the snow like ashes falls).  The branches of the trees swarm upward towards the sky (from which the snow like ashes falls).  The branches of the trees lift in chaos towards the sky, the branches of the trees rise like music towards the sky.  The clouds are water.  The snow is water.  My breath is water.  The branches thrust, confused and sharp, upward towards the sky.  The branches a jumbled jangled tangle.  They are chaos, they are music.  I feel desire, I feel despair.  Silence waits stilly for me here. Where have I come from?  Where am I going?  Music waits stilly for me here.  I feel terror.  I feel joy.  Chaos waits stilly for me here.

Slowly, slowly, the path edges down the gully's side.  I dart, I tumble.  Slowly, slowly, the path edges down the gully's side.  I plunge, I blunder.  Branches catch at me as I walk.  Some prick, some scratch.  Branches catch at me as I walk.  Some cling to me, some force me back.  Listen, listen.  The sound of water somewhere flows.  Listen, listen.  From somewhere down below me the sound of water flows.  The creek is young.  The creek is old.  At the gully's bottom I stand, I look.  The creek is young.  The creek is old.  At the gully's bottom I stand, I listen.  Inside the water is a voice that rumbles.  The creek has grown a shell of ice.  But where it tumbles over rock – there's the muzzle – there the fang.  Listen, listen.  Under the ice is a voice that growls.  Listen, listen.  Under the ice is a voice that rumbles.  I close my eyes.  Closing my eyes I swallow the world.  At the gully's bottom I stand, I look.  At the gully's bottom I stand, I listen.  I close my eyes.  Closing my eyes I swallow the world  The world is spinning beneath my feet.  Upon this spinning world I stand.  Swaying slightly, leaning slightly, upon this spinning world I stand.  Tipping forward, tipping back, upon this spinning world I stand.  Listen, listen.  Inside the water is a voice that rumbles.  A voice I do not understand.  It growls, it snaps; it splits the air asunder.  Listen, listen.  Inside the water is a voice that rumbles.  A voice I do not understand.  It growls, it snaps; it splits the air asunder.  I open my eyes.  Opening my eyes I swallow the world.  At the gully's bottom I stand stilly.  I open my eyes.  Opening my eyes I swallow the world.  The world is spinning beneath my feet.  Upon this spinning world I stand.  Swaying slightly, leaning slightly, at the gully's bottom I stand, I look.  Swaying slightly, leaning slightly, at the gully's bottom I stand, I listen.

Stepping lightly, I cross the frozen water.  Stepping lightly, I jump to the creek's far side.  The ice cracks sharp beneath my feet.  Stepping lightly, I cross the frozen water.  Stepping lightly, I jump to the creek's far side.  The ice cracks sharp beneath my feet.  This cracking sound splits the world asunder.  Careful, careful.  This cracking sound splits the world asunder.  Careful, careful.  Stepping lightly, I cross into the void.  Stepping lightly, I cross into the void.  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel desire, I feel despair.  Stepping lightly, I cross the frozen water.  Stepping lightly, I jump to the creek's far side.  Stepping lightly, I cross the frozen water.  Stepping lightly, I jump to the creek's far side.  The ice cracks sharp beneath my feet.  The ice cracks sharp beneath my feet.  This cracking sound splits the world asunder.  Careful, careful.  Stepping lightly, I cross into the void.  Stepping lightly, I cross into the void.

Climbing up the gully's far side, I clamber my way into the woods.  I slip, I slide.  Climbing up the gully's far side, I clamber my way deep into the woods.  I lurch, I lumber.  The air is cold.  My breath turns white upon the air.  My breath is water.  It comes and goes.  I stand, I look.  See – see – the trees echo everywhere about me.  They echo in my eyes.  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel terror.  I feel joy.  I stand, I look.  See – see – the sky is charcoal grey.  From a sky of charcoal grey the snow like ashes falls.  The clouds are water.  The snow is water.  My breath is water.  It comes and goes.  It comes and goes.  I stand, I look.  See – see – the trees echo everywhere about me.  I see music everywhere.  I see music everywhere.

I close my eyes.  Closing my eyes I swallow the world.  I close my eyes.  Closing my eyes I swallow the world.  Now listen, listen.  I hear a crackling sound.  Listen, listen.  I hear a crackling sound.  This crackling sound comes from nowhere, comes from nothing.  This crackling sound emerges from the void.  Careful, careful.  I hear a crackling sound.  From the frozen branches, from the frozen leaves, I hear a  crackling sound.  Here, there, here, there.  It comes and goes.  It comes and goes.  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel terror.  I feel joy.  Listen, listen.  Everywhere about me, I hear a crackling sound.  This crackling sound comes from nowhere, comes from nothing.  This crackling sound emerges from the void.  This crackling sound comes from nowhere, comes from nothing.  This crackling sound emerges from the void.  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel terror.  I feel joy.  Careful, careful.  From the frozen branches, from the frozen leaves, I hear a crackling sound.  Here, there, here, there.  Everywhere about me, I hear a crackling sound.  It comes and goes.  It comes and goes.

I open my eyes.  Opening my eyes I swallow the world.  See – see – the trees echo everywhere about me.  They echo in my eyes.  Listen – listen – music waits everywhere about me.  Here, there, here, there.  It emerges from the void.  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel desire, I feel despair.  It comes and goes.  It comes and goes.  I stand, I look.  Chaos waits everywhere about me.  Here, there, here, there.  It emerges from the void.  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel terror.  I feel joy.  As the snow like ashes falls.  The snow is water.  The clouds are water.  My breath is water.  My breath turns white upon the air.  It comes and goes.  It comes and goes.  I stand, I look.  Music waits everywhere about me.  Chaos waits everywhere about me.  It emerges from the void.  Here, there, here, there.  It emerges from the void.  My belly tightens, my breathing quickens.  I feel terror.  I feel joy.  It comes and goes.  It comes and goes.

Turning to leave, I circle a tree.  Turning to leave, I follow my backward footprints in the snow.  Turning to leave, I circle a tree.  Turning to leave, I follow my backward footprints home.  I follow my backward footprints home.  I feel desire, I feel despair.  I come and go.  I come and go.  Turning to leave, I circle a tree.  Turning to leave, I follow my backward footprints in the snow.  Turning to leave, I circle a tree.  Turning to leave, I follow my backward footprints home.  I follow my backward footprints home.  I feel desire, I feel despair.  I come and go.  I come and go.  I feel terror.  I feel joy.  I come and go.  I come and go.